Extremely Late and Mean-Spirited Entry

Back in September 2007 I found an interesting map of ancestry survey results, showing that a large swath of braindead Appalachians considered their ethnic background to be "American." Since it's 7% of people overall, but actually the most common response in those areas, it seems likely that most of those 7% are localized to that part of the country.

As you can see, it's very pronounced-- prompting me to disdainfully write:

This is a convenient map of stupidity, provided by the U.S. Census. The "Americans" live in the off-white counties, which trace a predictable outline. Predictable if you are a contemptuous New England elitist. Apparently knowing what the word "ancestry" means is enough to make you an elitist.

Evidently, calling a large fraction of the U.S. stupid wasn't such an overstatement. The NYTimes made this handy map of the way the voting changed from 4 years ago, county-by-county and it shows basically what you would expect: since President-Elect Obama (I've been saying that way more than necessary) won by a solid margin, you'd expect to see a large gains by him everywhere on the map, as indeed there are...everywhere except among people who don't understand the meaning of the word 'ancestry'. These are the places where either (a) the last 4 years have somehow improved their opinion of the Republican party, (b) people were blown away by John McCain's ideas and campaigning abilities, (c) people noticed there was something a little...how shall I put this-- "black" about this Barack Obama character. Whichever it is, I don't feel too bad calling them morons.


Hmm, Maybe it isn't that dramatic...

Oh wait. Yes it is.

Conclusion: In this election -- Contemptuous New England Elitists 1, People Lacking Basic Vocabulary 0.

CMB Beach Ball Liberated!

In August 2006 I made a solemn vow:

This is the cosmic microwave background presented in the best known way of conveying scientific information: printed on a beach ball. Talk about an inflationary universe!

...A few years ago WMAP secretly distributed them to cosmologists. Needless to say, the early universe printed on a inflatable ball is something that I have decided I must have. For some reason, despite not being for sale, the ball seems to have its own web site...I pledge now to the internet, ultimate keeper of pledges made to no one in particular, that I will acquire this ball. I am not sure how yet, but I swear to do whatever it takes--breaking into someone's office, posing as an elementary school, sending threatening letters to beach ball manufacturers. whatever.

I am now free to disclose that I have triumphed over the forces allied against me-- the beach ball website that mysteriously refuses to sell it, the people who said I would never amount to anything, the journals that keep rejecting my groundbreaking work on the anisotropy of CMB beach ball distribution, everyone. I have, indeed, obtained the ball:


I can't go into the specifics of where it came from, but let's just say that a certain physics department who could never appreciate it as much as I do had a habit of carelessly leaving it in a usually unlocked room full of other neglected items, which I thoughtfully did them the favor of not stealing. And that I have waited until now to announce to the world because the institution that department belongs to, due to some bureaucratic stuff, took until a year after I had finished to send me my master's degree. Having gotten it in the mail a couple of months ago, I am now free, statute-of-limitations-wise, to reveal the success of Operation CMB Ball Freedom. It is hanging from the ceiling of my apartment, daily inspiring me to contemplate the mysteries of the cosmos. Mission accomplished.

Now a beach ball of the Neutrino Background pattern, that would be something...

Look at Me!

Through some internet miracle I scored absurdly good tickets to today's rout of the Seattles. Like best seats in my life tickets. Last week. For face value through the team website. Which is supposedly impossible...except that it actually isn't, as this grainy screenshot (that you'll have to trust is me on television) demonstrates.

Ticket resellers are a drain on society. At least the part of society that likes going to baseball games.

This Primary is Killing Me

So I have been paying a bit too much attention to the presidential primary lately. I ought to know that I get nothing in return for this attentiveness other than anxiety and the ability to make shallow and occasionally witty observations about politics to my friends. And yet, I can't help myself. I like reading about history, and trying to understand human events.

So hopefully, by dumping out the contents of my brain in this blog entry I can get it out of my system and get back to worrying about things I have some control over.

First of all, I like Obama. This would not be a problem for most people, but I like being contrary, and instead everything about me is right in middle of his demographic. I'm 23, male, well-educated, from a liberal state. I am in academia and going into science. I use facebook. I am not religious. I have a gmail account. This is his wheelhouse.

And pretty much everyone I know is supporting Barack. It makes me feel silly to be part of this mob, but it just can't be helped. I wish I wasn't so predictable, but I actually like Obama, and can't begin to imagine how cool it would be to actually like the president, rather than to simply prefer them to the alternative. There is though, a certain "empty vessel" quality to him that causes supporters to believe that he reflects their own attitudes more closely than he probably does. Fortunately for me, I'm not obsessed with the minutae of anyone's views. Presidents do not get to determine the exact details of any policy, those are decided in Congress. I just want the president to be a smart Democrat who doesn't annoy or anger me, so that I can ignore the news more easily. It is the broad outlines that are important. I think he would help build a solid majority in the House and Senate, inspire the public to embrace more progressive views and take advantage of the fact that the country is listing leftward right now. Unlike most Democrats in recent memory he actually appears to have a spine, and doesn't simply water-down rhetoric to appeal to the mushy middle that doesn't actually prefer to vote for candidates who seem to be apologizing for their views. Electing someone like that would really help me get back to ignoring the news.

There is a thing George W. Bush did when he was running in 2000 and 2004 where he would drop cloaked biblical references into his speeches to signal religious votes that he was one of them. Obama seems to be doing the same thing. The best example I can think of off the top of my head: every speech I have heard him give uses the word "science" or "scientists" at least once, whereas this is not something other candidates make a point of doing. This seems like code for bevy of issues that are important to the left like global warming, evolution, stem cells, and religion in politics. Well, not to mention the fact that he has actually expressed opinions about these things too...

Here are some thoughts in no particular order about the candidates:

The night we bombed Iraq I tossed and turned for hours before puking and falling to sleep in a cold sweat. And not because I am some hyper-sensitive humanitarian, I just knew it was going to set off a cascading, long-term disaster in about 50 different ways. Anyone who knew less than I did, as a (then) 18 year old college freshman, about Iraq in 2003 should not be president. They probably shouldn't be anything.

I have heard a lot of people say "We all know that both candidates have an equal chance of winning the general election..." Back up there, hypothetical person, "we" don't know anything. This statement is untrue for several reasons. Firstly, Clinton sets up a lousy contrast with McCain. Her primary campaign is based on the notion that she is experienced by virtue of (in the minds of most people) being famous for longer than her opponents. 7 years in the Senate, wherein she regurgitated Bush's talking points, caved on practically everything of importance, and supported the war, shouldn't count for much. McCain spent roughly the same amount of time being tortured in Vietnam, and then another 30 years in the Senate. Equating the years she spent attending the funerals of minor world leaders with those he spent being an actual Senator is going to seem pretty flimsy. When she tries to take advantage of public sentiment favoring withdrawing from Iraq he'll simply remind us that she voted for it. Obama on the other hand will draw much cleaner distinctions. He can hammer McCain non-stop for his bellicosity. He isn't pretending to be experienced, and can sell his candidacy convincingly as a break from the past. He is a probably the best political orator in a generation and he is much, much younger. McCain will seem tired, old, and cranky in contrast to Obama.

Secondly, there is no elasticity in public opinion about Clinton, everyone knows her already. Anyone who already dislikes her is not going to be won over. And those who do dislike her do so vehemently. With McCain the Republican nominee, conservative voters are going to feel a lack of enthusiasm in the election...unless the Dems nominate the person they already hate more than anyone else. Obama is not well known, on the other hand, and the more people see of him, the more they like him.

Most people are predicting a Democratic win in the general election either way, but I don't see it. It seems to me that Obama would win by a significant margin and H-bomb, barring something unforeseen would lose, but probably narrowly. I'm sort of invested in the Dem race so I can't predict it with any accuracy, but unfortunately for us, the cool, inspiring candidate who the young clever people like never wins the nomination. This is what gives me a sense of dread about the rest of the campaign, but who knows.

On that same note, here is a nightmare scenario I would like you to contemplate: Sen. McCain taps Huckabee for VP to shore up religious voters. The Democrats nominate Clinton and lose. After 15 minutes in office, McCain dies, since he is about 150 years old, leaving Huckleberry in charge. Jesus replaces Washington on the $1 bill. The End.

It is so stuck-up and wrong to say this, but for lack of a better understanding of Hillary voters, I think they just don't follow the news very closely. Polls well in advance of elections essentially show name recognition. No one is really paying attention, and when asked, they simply go for the one they have heard of. When pundits are surprised about shifting trends shortly before the election day, that is really just voters waking up and looking at candidates for the (usually) the first time. My fear about this front-loaded primary was that following Iowa and NH there would just not be enough time for Barack to overcome his opponent's superior fame. He was on an upwards trajectory, and given another week or so, he likely would have won more delegates than he did. As a cynic, I was fairly blasé about his candidacy until I heard him speak, and then I was floored. The more time there is for people to hear him speak the better.

It is a minor miracle that Edwards dropped out when he did, though it was still late enough to do some damage. Edwards and Obama were splitting the liberal, thoughtful, anti-war, anti-Hillary vote. If he had not run at all, Obama would have won all 4 of the initial contests and would be far closer to capturing the nomination. Though he does indeed try promoting important issues, John Edwards seems quite opportunistic. I think he hasn't endorsed either remaining because he can't figure out which will win, and he would like something in return.

I think some of the subconscious appeal of Barack Obama is based on his name. It is so utterly ridiculous, that it triggers a rebellious impulse to support someone whose moniker conventional wisdom would deem an automatic loser. It is kind of a fuck-you to the establishment who pours over this kind of nonsense.



The next day that there will be a large number of delegates up for grabs is March 4th when RI votes along with Ohio, Texas, and Vermont. There are a few Obama-favoring contests between now and then, but there is an entire 2 weeks preceding March 4th with nothing on the calendar. We are much smaller than OH and TX, but I have no doubt that both candidates will show up and certainly both will advertise here. It is sort of cool, considering that everyone here had been disappointed that with the front-loaded schedule we would have no impact at all. Considering the paucity of contests around the same time though, it seems that we will get much more attention than we would have if we were part of Super Tuesday. And having split up Connecticut and Massachusetts, both campaigns may think they have a good shot at our precious 32 delegates. Probably by leveraging our state motto, pictured below.

Well, I feel a little better now...

Some bubble updates

In keeping with my habit of bringing you periodic bubble-related news, here are a few things

-If you're like me, you've often wondered how life would have evolved on Earth if it proceeded along the lines of competing "asteroid" style bubble arachnids*. This game takes that premise and runs with it. Good for at least 20 minutes of numbing flash-based entertainment.

-I got an email a while ago asking for submissions to Brown's quarterly science-lit magazine. So I thought, hmmm, I might have something appropriate for that. A few days later an editor gets back to me saying, to my surprise, that's it's perfect and they want to use it. Yes! More of that recognition I so richly deserve from elite campus publications. So that's good, and I don't think about it for two weeks. Until I get another email from this editor saying they have discussed it at their editor meeting and someone is concerned that readers will mistake it for a serious piece and take offense. They want to print a disclaimer above my article noting that it is a joke. As in, SATIRE: PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED. I don't know what exactly they wanted to put, but I can assume that it was along the lines of:

The editors of this magazine would like to point out to you, Ivy League University students, that although we are all extremely intelligent and sophisticated, you may be unable to discern the subtle use of satire in the following essay. Rest assured that this absurd piece of writing is humorous in nature, and not intended to suggest in a serious fashion that a causal link exists between an innate female affinity for bubbles and a preference for academic careers in the field of astrophysics.

Needless to say, I wasn't really amenable to this idea. First of all, it's not a joke. And once my grant** comes in, I can prove it once and for all. Secondly, if it was a joke, hypothetically speaking of course, it would be completely ruined by starting it with a disclaimer. Can you imagine if Jonathan Swift had titled his famous essay "A Modest Satirical Proposal"? Things like that are funny because they have the illusion of coming from a position of authority. (Yes, I just compared myself to Jonathan Swift.) I guess there is a certain demographic at Brown that gets offended by prettymuch anything, and the fear of their reaction is enough to strike caution into the hearts of writers here. But I still have to wonder what, precisely, they were worried these people would think. "Hey, this guy is implying that a reason he obviously made up causes women go into an intellectually demanding field instead of an equally difficult one! How dare he! I get riled up by anything addressing gender discrepancy in science that is even remotely lighthearted!"
In the end, it turned out that despite what their initial call for submissions said, they only wanted stuff from undergrads. So we dodged that bullet...

-Zosia, tireless promoter of my theory (Chicago branch), mentioned to me that her boyfriend just published a string theory paper with "bubbles" in the title. This invites an addendum to my hypothesis: female astrophysicists even like guys who work on bubbles or bubble-related issues. Make a note of it fellows.

OK, now that's a bit chauvinistic.



*Instead of being created 400 years ago by Jesus. Riding a dinosaur.

**My research requires 40 metric tons of bubble-blowing solution and salaries for least 500 subjects willing to major in physical sciences for the purpose of the experiment.

[photo credit]