July 19, 2005

escort me away! (pun warning in effect)

for how many years did it seem this day would never come? finally (as of 7-1-05), a car to call my own, and such a stylish one too. ok, actually, the above picture is a bit of a decoy. mine is a '97 ford escort wagon, but i challenge you to find a picture of one online, its total absence is a bit of an internet anomaly in my opinion. expect a 1984-esque purging of all 1997 black ford escort wagon owners carried out in the near future under the auspices of the war on terror. the current derth of photos is an obvious indicator of the bush administration's effort to wipe us from america's collective memory before they carry out the extermination.

July 17, 2005

some recent weirdness:

-i recently spotted a large gregarious “girls gone wild” bus parked in an alley in downtown providence. no colleges nearby. no big sexy parties anywhere in the region upcoming. if they wanted the homeless guy on the corner to take his shirt off, i doubt the bus was needed.

-a few blocks away i got to witness two guys getting arrested. one of them was simply walking down the street and showed neither resistance nor surprise to the cop who screeched to a stop next to him and swiftly got him into the car. the next guy was pulled out of a dumpster by three policemen with guns drawn. i have no idea what they had done, but i think we can be sure that it wasn’t something that required a lot of planning. “ok, so afterwards you walk down the street in broad daylight while i try to blend in with some trash. i’m telling you, this one is fool-proof…”

-at dunkin donuts a few days ago i ordered at the drive-through and then realized that i was short a buck thirty-two (i really wasn’t, unbeknownst to me i had lost a twenty in my pants). so when i got up to the window i said i only had $5 so they should just keep one of the coffees. the woman looks at me and deadpans “just bring over the money tomorrow.”

“you’re kidding right?”
“no, seriously, just come back tomorrow with it.”
so the next day, i did, in fact repay them. there was a different person working there and she seemed sort of taken aback that i wanted to add $1.32 to the bill, but i held up my end of the deal and felt pleased with myself for not taking advantage of the kindness i was shown.
the next day, at a different d and d (hey, when there’s one every two blocks in rhode island, they’re a big part of your lifestyle), when i pulled up to the window the woman just said “here you go, have a good day” handed me a coffee colata and went back into the store without asking me for money. so there you have it, karma may not exist in the real world, but within the realm of dunkin donuts a system of supreme cosmic justice is always at work.