the wonder of it all

i had a dream that i was on a mission to kill whoever it was who made the foxwoods leprechaun commercial that has been running almost non-stop on nesn since st. patrick’s day. despite the fact that it was a secret mission, red sox nation, acting as a single cohesive unit and also somehow, totally in secret, sent me a sacred bat with which to carry out my sacred duty. in the dream, i did not find this mysterious. i woke up in the wee morning hours, tied a red bandana around my head, hooked the bat to the inside of my black overcoat, slipped on a pair of those fingerless gloves worn by dickensian orphans or homicidal maniacs and got into the back of a black limo that was to take me to my fateful destination. unfortunately, this is the point where i woke up for real. whether the subject of the “mercy killing” (as i’ll call it) is the leprechaun guy, marty of u.s. rv, or bob of bob’s nasal and extremely annoying furniture, i’m pretty sure that i’m not the only person in new england who has had this dream.