i-te tibialibus ru-bris! [clap clap! clap clap clap!]

we are now at baseball’s apogee. the point in the year when the end of last season and the beginning of next seem equally far off. but to inspire hope for the future and in likely breach of copyright law, i am reprinting the george frazier's boston globe april 7, 1973 opening day article. like so much great writing, it’s in latin. i was surprised by how hard it was to find online—you would think that there are only so many newspaper articles composed in dead languages nowadays and that baseball/classics nerds would have print-outs taped to the inside of their batting helmets. plus i had long heard it referred to as evidence that red sox fans are literary and erudite (people who say this should listen to local sports radio weei for an hour, they would reconsider). note that this game signified the introduction of the ‘designatus clavator.’ perhaps printing this article was a veiled objection to the new rule, suggesting that baseball was a pastime nearly classical in nature, whose structure warrants no alteration.

tibialibus rubris xv, eboracum novum v
si quicuriosus scire vult quam ob ren infernam hoc latine scribitur, sic est quod paucis ante diebus ut ego et lewo glynn et dave miller togati sedebamus, confessus sum mihi unam sententiam vitae esse et primus scriptor actorum diurnorum 'designatus clavator' latine didicam. et sibi corenas laureas aptantes inquiunt 'invabimus' et deo gratias ago inverut neque causam digni. scitisne? itaque vestra labre contrabite et hace meccum iterate 'designatus clavator' quae latina adaequant quae vos americani 'designated hitter' appellatis.

physics group axioms

to take a little reprieve from application/thesis madness, i’m flashing back to a simpler time. a time when freshman-physics was my occupation. when many a long night was spent with friends on sets of then impossible problems (quaint in hindsight). in the course of our collaboration it became clear that we were operating under our own set of logical rules. to the best of my remembrance, these are them:

1. complicated math that yields the wrong answer can be corrected by writing the word “algebra,” followed by the solution to the problem.
2. “maple” can be substituted in the case of integrals.
3. eva’s mom may have been, in all seriousness, an actual prostitute at some point.
3a. sub-axiom: repeatedly pointing this out may negatively affect the interpersonal relationships of the group and/or the quality of our work
4. michney’s total inability to explain anything has nothing to do with whether or not he’s right.
5. transferring work from scrap and envelopes to clean sheets of paper is a luxury reserved for people who didn’t stay up until 2:30.

religious enlightenment at work

yikes.